Hey, it worked well enough yesterday, right? Starting the day and intermittently throughout the action, I stopped and sat still, closed my eyes, and reminded myself what I was, and what God wanted me to be. Then I’d return to my activities a little more right-sized. Sometimes letting go and letting God feels like I’m completely in control. God’s more than willing to let me take over on occasion, when it comes to the minutia that lives within the task itself. God didn’t mow the lawn or cut the weeds or trim the hedges: I did that, and I’ve got the morning back pain to prove it.
What God did was allow me to mow and cut and trim without the drama, the blow-ups, the drowning. Getting rid of the bullshit that doesn’t matter allows me to be, if not my best self, then at least a preferred version.
Step 11: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Not that everything went entirely smooth: there’s always room for Jello-thinking in this alcoholic’s head. I can become somewhat exasperated when it comes to little girls and their constant questions and endless precedent quoting. But instead of my normal reaction (anger), if I didn’t have the answer, I simply said, “I don’t know”. Better yet, let’s suppose I was cleaning gutters when the barrage of probing inquiries came floating up the ladder. Instead of yelling or swearing or in some way over-reacting, I’ve learned the wonderful tool of ignoring. Not a solution being offered from Parents Magazine, but one that’s light years more appropriate than what I’d been doing.
What yesterday was a reminder of: the program working, and what an ideal day for me could be like.
Today: Know that yesterday is gone, and that I can’t duplicate it. There’s no riding on serenity’s coattails.