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That’s a question I always fail. Because the question in my alcoholic head reads like this: How much awareness of God’s will do I need in order to function somewhat normally today? What’s the minimum requirement to get through the day in one piece spiritually?

Step 11: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Listen, and let’s be honest here – I’m viewing “getting through the day in one piece spiritually” as a victory. There’s no need for a burning bush; I’m not expecting to walk around encapsulated in a bubble of good vibes. It’s the extremes I go to in everything I approach that needs to be curtailed.

The prayers and meditations are inflators and deflators of my wellness. I almost said “ego”, but I’m trying to eliminate that word entirely from my vocabulary. Nothing good has ever come from my pride, whether I’m building myself up or tearing myself down. It’s always been more important to my disease that I’m in a state of flux.

And the truth is, I already know what His will is for me. I kinda think everyone already knows. It’s a daily question as to whether or not I’m going to stand back and allow Him to show me.

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