This being Easter, tomorrow’s back to ordinary time.  Back to work on Monday for the normals.  I work out of the house as a contractor:  a no insurance, no vacation, no sick days, no retirement fund, all-taxes-I-pay-myself contractor, which means (to me) that I don’t have a real job.  You know you’re being screwed by the man when your main tax form is the 1099-Misc.  Basically, some asshole accountant said, “what if we pay our workers with tips?”

Hey, Warren Buffet, suck it.

Step 2: came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This is a mindset I find myself in a lot:  railing against forces I believe to be beyond my control.  Essentially, I’m bitching about the things I cannot change, afraid to change the things I can, and too far up my own ass to know the difference.

And this holds true for every aspect of my life, my alcoholic brain calling it quits before it even starts.  I’d sooner destroy the test than wait for the results, because the bad will always be twice as bad as anything the good could offer.  So the good simply becomes a relief, a respite, an expectation and not a celebration.  There is no good in my life:  there’s bad, and there’s not bad.

That’s me in a nutshell:  in order to grip, I gotta make a fist.  And what do you do with a fist?  Exactly.

Listen, God doesn’t want me punching my way through life.  I know this.  I needn’t have bloody knuckles at the end of each and every day.  And though that all sounds great in theory, in practice it can be a complete and total nightmare.  Yes, I’ve come to believe there’s a Power greater than myself out there.  So what am I prepared to do about it?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s