What if my life is a comedy and not a drama? What if there truly is nothing to fear but fear itself? What if there’s absolutely no advantage to being hyper-vigilant? A martyr? An agitator? An isolator? A drunk?
Step 7: humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Why does sadness and anger feel so much more real, so much more trustworthy, than happiness and delight? My guess? Because things fluctuate, situations change, and when my mood doesn’t match the new environment I immediately blush, out in the cold, laughed at, vulnerable. You think this is funny? Well it’s not, even though I’m the only one pointing.
That’s a big part as to why I drank: to minimize the changes. Good, bad or indifferent, it didn’t matter: round off the edges until the square becomes a circle; that’s how I’ll slide by. I wanted a one-size-fits-all-situations suit that’d walk through anything.
But here’s the deal: life isn’t a genre. It’s not a category. So when all of a sudden I find that the script has flipped and I’m expected to improvise, I need to remind myself that there is no script – that there never was. So what exactly am I holding onto and constanstly referring to? Nobody else has these pages.
To partake in the world, to give and to receive, and to know that it’s enough. To exhale. To not dread the next thing just because it’s next. To be in the now without constantly looking for the exit. To accept and rejoice in the knowledge that I ain’t going nowhere.
The Seventh Step Prayer: My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.
12 the hard way 
“To not dread the next thing just because it’s next” , this perfectly describes why I am trying to connect to a higher power today.
I have been praying, meditating, talking to new comers, taking the next baby steps in my business for the last one week ( after 11 months dry), and I am now breaking out of my depression and insane fear finally.
That’s awesome to hear! It’s the power of repetition used for good! Letting go of my self-hatred was the hardest – I felt like I owed it to the universe to constantly be down on myself. Like the universe cares.
If we don’t bounce things off other people, we end up bouncing ourselves off the walls. Thanks for checking in – your comments mean a lot to me! Hope today’s right-sized!