Sometimes, when I try extra hard to accept something I cannot change, my wisdom to know the difference can go right out the window. Letting go is one thing. Acceptance is something totally different. Or maybe they’re the same; just different words, and I’m a parsing control freak.

Step Ten: continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Never mind; I think I just straightened it out. Acceptance comes first, then letting go. It says so in the Serenity Prayer. I need to identify and accept things for what they are before letting go of the thought that I can institute change. And letting something go doesn’t mean I have to hate it first.

What’s also extremely tricky is knowing when things are true (accept), false (reject), and whether or not my insanities have anything to do with the validity of their definitions. I must always be cognizant of the fact that my brain cannot always be relied upon for the unbiased truth. Or even unbiased reality. Operating off assumptions that are entirely of my own invention is the quickest way I can to go hurtling off into my own head space, where sound judgements and right actions go to die.

Because I’m relying on myself. Because I’m trying to do the one thing that guarantees failure: control. Sulking and acting like an angry, spoiled child isn’t the most successful way to force others to love me. Pouting is, as far as I know, a real turn-off.

For today: Concentrate on the change that comes from within, and let everything else go. Acceptance should be worn as a loose garment, without restrictions. Because acceptance, and by extension letting go, and by extension serenity, is the heart of my program.

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