chapter 5. How it works. Part 4
Pages 58 and 59 for those of you playing at home.
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it – then you are ready to take certain steps.
Walking into my first meeting in over 15 years, there was a sense of relief, like coming home for the first time. When I went through rehab in my mid 20’s, I really didn’t want what they had to offer. I figured I had another decade or so to straighten things out or really, really mess them up. The older I got, the more demands and responsibilities came my way, and it becomes harder and harder to maintain. So yeah, I was desperate.
I decided I wanted what they had during the breakout session. There was a calmness in the upstairs room emanating from a couple of the members. At least, that’s the way I saw it. For them, it was another Monday night. And I liked that idea. They’d come to terms with life in ordinary time.
They were people trying to find themselves. Not in the sixties-hippie-commune way. It was scrapping off layers of cruddy thoughts and mucked-up relationships. It was cutting our hair and trimming our nails. It was seeing a doctor.
Alcoholism, barring a car accidents, is a slow, sad march to death. Whether or not I wanted to die, who knows, but the booze slowed down my brain to Jell-O on a slide in November. Why watch the crappiness go by in a state of unhelpfulness?
It was time to attempt to live a life. Just that.