Let’s rewind the clocks to not so long ago.  My skull is a crock pot.  My brain is a rump roast.  Whatever’s on sale in the beer cooler is the marinade.  Cooking on low – that’s the beauty of the crock pot made practical through maintenance drinking.  Of course, I’d often lose track of what was simmering and for how long, never able to recognize and/or do something about the growing pressure.  Exploding hot, rotten meat would follow.

Step Three:  made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

But what if I enjoy being miserable?  It’s what I’ve always understood and championed:  the belief that extended happiness was for the deluded.

Which is 100% true:  extended happiness is for the deluded.  Know why?  Because things change, dumb-ass!  Second-to-second, minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour and day-to-day, the human brain goes through millions of emotional pin pricks:  anger, giddiness, disgust, ease, impatience, and so on down the line.  And that’s not just me or you, that’s everyone!  That’s how the brain works.  It’s scientific.

So if that’s all the same, what’s different?  For me, it’s my reactions: the pickup up and squeezing tight, the ignorance, the spiteful embrace.  When I’m in control, I sift through all those emotions and separate out the negative ones for dwelling.  And whatever gratitude or well-being I have is discounted as the new expected.

Sure, this all can come off as extremely self-indulgent and childish, which is why it’s also so embarrassing and shameful.  How many licks does it take for me to realize this lollipop is poison?  Everyone else has thrown their candy away a long time ago, so it’s too late to stop sucking now.  Hopelessness and depression descend, followed by self-pitying inertia.  I’m all up in myself, for good or ill again.

For today:  I must remember to check in on that crock pot, to ventilate often, and to apply a new marinade, one of acceptance, turning over and letting go.

Third Step Prayer:
God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!

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