or sometimes a sooner nooner? And by “nooner”, I mean a quiet, eyes-closed, 10-minute guided meditation.
Step 11: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
And by “10 minutes”, I mean 8 minutes and 37 seconds. That’s as long as I could stand it. Not the meditation podcast; it was very helpful and relaxing. I stopped 1 minute and 23 seconds short because I was feeling better enough. Even though I could feel it doing me good. Even though my heart rate was lowering (not that it was racing, but you know, it was wound-up normal) and my thoughts were becoming less anxious, I was feeling better enough, so I stopped.
It can be mighty hard, getting past better enough. I’m cool for the moment: while in the lotus position on the living room floor I felt the negative emotional dam break in my mind’s eye, so we’re all good. More will be revealed? Maybe some other time. I’m better enough now.
It’s like only putting enough gas in the tank to get you to the next station. Hopefully. But on the other hand, I can’t muscle up a camel’s hump of serenity first thing in the morning and become resentful if it turns out I wasn’t “set for the day”.
As always, it’s about right-sized balance. First off, taking pride in a “successful meditation” is totally counter-intuitive to the process. I’ve taken back control before I’ve uncrossed my legs.
Today: It’s about awareness. It’s about mindfulness. It’s about getting out and staying out of my own way. Repeat as necessary.
12 the hard way 