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I need to stop confusing wants and needs.  I also need to stop believing that until my wants and needs are fulfilled, I will live a substandard existence: that I will only be satisfied and content once all my expectations have been met.

Three things that can destroy everything, if they’re given room to run:  wants, needs, and expectations.

Step 3:  made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

It should be simple:  once my needs are met, everything else is bullshit.  Roof over my head, food in my gut.  Done and done, and there have been thankfully few days where that criteria wasn’t met, so that means everything else is self-indulgent belly-aching, I suppose?

And for those thinking the solution is to keep quiet about it – playing the mute martyr doesn’t make anyone any less sick in the head; it just makes them less vocal.  So I stopped bitching to my one neighbor about my other neighbor, so what?  If the only thing I’ve done is transfer the vitriol and resentment inward so that it solely eats away at my insides, that’s eventually going to blow up on someone else.  Someone unsuspecting.  Someone undeserving.  Someone I love.

Because I hurt the ones I love as a way of demonstrating how I hurt.  Crazy, I know, and in the past that left me sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Today, thanks to the program and this fellowship, I’m getting much better at sorting out the wants from the needs, the unhealthy thoughts from the prayers and well-wishes, and the obviously wrongs from the obviously rights.  Because I now thankfully remember when nothing was obvious.

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