Today at my new job, I worked 9 1/2 hours straight, no lunch, no snack breaks.  So my mood was pretty easy to guess by the time I walked out of the building.

Rumination:  Slow down, you move too fast.  Which always leads to thinking too fast.  Which leads to a mental spin-out.

It’s a confluence of self-sabotaging practices that I employ whenever my to-do list becomes what I feel to be overwhelming.  I start quickening my pace, burying my head into what’s in front of me, hoping to finish at least one of the projects I started today. But the computer’s dinging with new emails which bring new projects, old projects, revisions, and more meeting invitations.  And since it’s my fifth day on the job, I don’t yet know the basics: where do you find files on the network? How do I use the project/time tracker?  I’m still stopping and starting at every hallway intersection.  The bathroom is  two lefts, down the stairs and just to the right of the break room.  I’ve got to think about everything, including where I walk, and smile a cordial smile to each and every stranger I pass.

Of course I’m a little on edge; that’s to be expected. But going about my business using my old way of thinking still doesn’t work.  Moving faster isn’t the answer, yet I break into a sprint at the drop of a hat.  It’s my standard go-to:  get all wound up and twisted.  I get short of breath, I get impatient, I get confused, I get overwhelmed. And my response? Go faster! Start to mumble under my breath! Start to build resentments against people I don’t even know!  Start to question my decision of accepting this job in the first place!

And then I read the Prayer for Today, albeit at 7:00 p.m.  But I did do it from a parked car, before I went home, so that’s a win.  Here’s what it said: I pray that I may not be in too much of a hurry. I pray that I may take a timeout often to rest with God.

I used to reset myself with alcohol.  Even though it didn’t work, I clung to it.  I’d let my whole day go screwy so I could justify my drinking. So why am I still ratcheting things up now?

What I’m learning: there’s no need to run. There’s no need to hide. What there is need for is gratitude and the occasional five-minute break every couple of hours to get myself straight in the head again. Sometimes the breaks will be preemptive, while others reactionary. Either way, know that doing it is always a good thing.

2 thoughts on “feeling groovy.

  1. I read the same thing. Loved it. It really helped me get through my day

    MAY 8— A.A. Thought for the Day I’m grateful that I found a program in A.A. that could keep me sober. I’m grateful that A.A. has shown me the way to faith in a Higher Power, because the renewing of that faith has changed my way of life. And I’ve found a happiness and contentment that I had forgotten existed, by simply believing in God and trying to live the kind of a life that I know He wants me to live. As long as I stay grateful, I’ll stay sober. Am I in a grateful frame of mind? Meditation for the Day God can work through you better when you are not hurrying. Go very slowly, very quietly, from one duty to the next, taking time to rest and pray between. Do not be too busy. Take everything in order. Venture often into the rest of God and you will find peace. All work that results from resting with God is good work. Claim the power to work miracles in human lives. Know that you can do many things through the Higher Power. Know that you can do good things through God who rests you and gives you strength. Partake regularly of rest and prayer. Prayer for the Day I pray that I may not be in too much of a hurry. I pray that I may take time out often to rest with God.

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