First off, I don’t compartmentalize emotionally. I can’t put a feeling in a box and set it aside and then concentrate on something else. It’s always a big production, getting me to change my moods. Scratch that: it’s always a big production, getting me out of my self-pity, out of my own way, out of the larger, invisible box I live in. They exist alright, and there’s one for each of us; although I’m unsure of mine’s dimensions. Because we’re not just talking about height times width times length here. This box also houses space and time, and acts like one of those invisible fences people get for their dogs. It’s got all of my memories and experiences, beliefs and questions, fears and hopes to define it.
It’s an odd way to look at things, but I blame it on the phrase, “think outside of the box.” What, is there a general overall box that encompasses us as a society? And individuals are to be rewarded for thinking beyond what we’ve previously collectively agreed upon? And what if thinking outside the box is and of itself a box? Super-deep, right?
But my point about boxes is this: in order for me to let go of things, I needed to understand that there are boxes everywhere out there that I’ll never understand. And the boxes aren’t good or bad, they’re simply constructs of our lives. And I believe this may be where freedom rings: recognizing giant boxes of infinite size, so far beyond my personal box of height times width times length times space and time, that I know without question it’s beyond my true comprehension. Sure, my thinking disease would love to take another couple thousand stabs at it, and attempt to shove all other boxes into mine, but it just won’t work.
This I must remind myself: Letting go becomes easier once I come to understand that the clinging is pointless.
Thanks to this program, my box is now cozy and clean, but if I want it to truly grow in size and provide me with some leg room, I need to work, love, connect and help others that fall outside of my self-imposed boundaries. Namely, everyone. That’s when boxes disappear most: when I don’t put myself or others in them.