PGTM

It works if you believe it works.  I came to believe fairly quickly.  Then I came to understand that I was only believing in the concept.

Step 2: came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Sure, I could take in some input from people around the tables.  I was even successful at believing in the Power up to 49% of the time.  A marked improvement, no doubt, but I wasn’t coming to believe; I was waiting for my belief in a Power greater than myself to stand quietly in the background and be my spotter when things got too heavy.

It’s a rookie mistake, separating the program from my daily life and treating it like a coach off on the sideline.  Don’t they know I’m the All-Star?  This is where I confuse humility with defeat.  The Power greater than myself is just jealous, that’s all.  I promise to mention you in my acceptance speech, PGTM, no worries.  I’m just gonna ride this one out myself, thanks.  I’ll let you know when I need to believe again.

Funny.  In my drinking days, I wanted do-overs constantly.  Start from scratch.  Today’s a new day.  A Clean slate.  Beginning now.

Now I’m accepting that each day is a new day, that there is no carry-over, and each morning is starting from zero spiritually.  I need to come to believe all over again as I rise, and remind myself that through gratitude and humility, the willingness comes easier.