That’s really when everyone wins, isn’t it, when I take it down a few notches? At night, the 10th Step Checklist, eyes closed, in bed, mentally going over the day and how I approached it going in, and responded to its many, many parts throughout.
Inevitably, the days I enjoyed most were the days I thought least.
I’m going to attempt a Month of Acceptance: According to page 449 in the old text, “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today… Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.”
And so my alcoholism worries, what, so you’re going to go through life like some pushover moron now? A punch-drunk idiot? A patsy? Sure, life’s easy when you rollover for everything, like some coonhound waiting to get her belly scratched!
See, that’s what I immediately jump to: Complete acceptance only comes with complete stupidity. Therefore, in order to achieve complete serenity, I must become a lobotomized nabob. What science fiction is this!
It’s self-indulgent nonsense that muddies the waters. Of course I’m going to continue to think: I just imagined needing surgery to be happy in some dystopian future where I’m an outlaw, living on the fringes.
What I truly must remind myself until it becomes rote: It’s totally fine to think. I just don’t need to overthink; feel free to let go of the going over and over. There’s no need to dwell. Simply cleaning out that extra space in my brain and who knows? Maybe I could spend some of that time thinking outwards?
12 the hard way 