I’m going to attempt a Month of Acceptance: According to page 449 in the old text, “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today… Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.”
When I’m not accepting, I’m blaming. All too often I feel like everything would be cool and calm and easy for me to take in stride, if only this, that or the other would fix itself in accordance with my wishes.
There’s a whole lot of “it’s not this, it’s that” thinking in my head. Constantly shifting the focus from what I need to let go of and putting it firmly on something I’m clinging to is the surest way to keep me on edge. Serenity becomes impossible when it’s dependent on other people, places or things. And I become more and more insane; waiting around for things to change and people to apologize.
I mean, listen: I’ve accepted the fact that I’m an alcoholic. I accept that I’ll never be “cured”, no matter how many micro-brews the millennials manufacture. I accept that it’s never been about having fun, and that it’s always been about escaping in plain sight. To be here and not here at the same time: that’s the goal of my disease, even though that goal is at odds with itself, and only works when something inside me remains broken.
That’s when my alcoholism is at its strongest: when I’m accepting that something will always be unacceptable. What a great excuse to sit and stew and extrapolate the hate. To be powerless over that which make me miserable, that’s the stuff of insanity.
Today: Stop looking outside myself for stuff that I find unacceptable and cannot change. Letting society do whatever it’s going to do is a nice start. Start looking for stuff inside me that I can change, and go from there.