How often I love to mix awareness with accomplishment! Sure, I’m having eureka moments, but I’m staying in the tub. Nothing is being put into practice. I’m just soaking in the knowledge.
You know, writing up a fantastic game plan only matters if you play the game. And how is this procrastination any different from telling myself I’ll stop drinking tomorrow?
Step Three: made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
This program is about two things: stopping and starting. As long as I spend my time solely on the former, I’m only solving half the problem. And half a problem is still a problem. I’ve got to start living the program, and stop shoulding myself.
What’s that mean, exactly? For me, it’s as simple as looking at the bright side, repeatedly and until it hurts. In the past, everything filtered through me and my ego. Any change was met with carpet-bombing resistance; because my alcoholism abhors change to the schedule. It took years of isolation and broken relationships to get my rut just the way I thought I liked it.
Of course, the problem with ruts is you’re never sure of its depth until it’s too late. Sure, it provides shelter from the wind and makes for good hiding. If only it wouldn’t rain.
So, what gets me out of my rut? This program. What keeps me dry? My willingness to accept umbrellas.
Today: My gratitude needs to be the fuel in all my interactions. I start living a right-sized life by getting out of myself and giving of myself, and thanking my Higher Power and this fellowship for the opportunity to do so.