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This is where things can get dicey: redefining how I look at preparation, work, and leisure.  Without getting too thinly sliced, these are the three buckets that make up the majority of my life.  I’m either preparing to do something, or doing something for money, or doing something for fun.  So, which buckets do I find enjoyable?  Which ones should I find enjoyable?  Are there any hard-and-fast right or wrong answers?

Step Eleven: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Large buckets to be sure, and since I’m defining work as money-related, does that mean shoveling snow and folding laundry is fun?  Not at all – those fall under “preparations”.  Cooking is preparation.  Eating is leisure.  Washing the dishes afterwards is preparation for the next meal.  Chores are always preparation.

So, how do I feel about chores?  Oddly, I love them.  They’re generally doable accomplishments, and when I’m living in the moment there is a definite sense of calm that comes with repetitive actions: sweeping, dusting, washing, drying, cutting, slicing, whatever.  My body and mind have a purpose, a goal.

Here’s where the trouble begins.  All this prep work leads up to what?  I said there was a purpose, a goal, and I’m working under the assumption that it’s leisure: happy-go-lucky fun time.

But I’ve never understood leisure.  Is is boastful?  Has it been earned?  Am I worthy?  Yes, maybe, and no.  I need recognition and positive affirmations for my little achievements; it’s not enough to soak up the good vibes that come from a project completed.  And when it comes to the program, it’s all chores, and I oddly hate it.  Why?  Because it’s mental sweeping, dusting, washing, drying, cutting, slicing, whatever.  It’s internal, invisible growth, followed by awkward leisure that I’m never sure what to do with, so am I actually growing?

Know this:  Dividing my life into different chunks only exasperates the problem.  Whatever the bucket, it’s still me and my alcoholism, and if I can only handle a couple of hours of leisure before my skin starts itching, that’s not a negative thing: that’s self-awareness.  Time to do some more prep work, both physical and mental.

Understand:  This life is nothing but prep work.  Rejoice.

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