lump sum.

Here’s the simple difference between the normals and me, the alcoholic:  normal people drink because it gives them an altered feeling that’s a fun ride to go on every once in a while; like seeing a movie, or bowling.  For me, alcohol became a prerequisite for living.  I couldn’t function without it.

The most insidious part of this disease for me?  The long-held belief that I was being thoughtful to those around me by constantly shutting down and running away.

Step 1:  we admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

And I continued to drink long after I knew I was an alcoholic.  Long after everyone knew I was an alcoholic.  It was an inoperable lump pulsating between my left ear and left eye.  It influenced everything I saw, interpreted everything I heard, and uglied everything I said.  Tourette’s Syndrome in long form.

What it’s like today: I still find myself walking in the shoes of a crazy person.  Every now and again I ache for that familiar pain by my eye.  Thanks to this program and the fellowship, I’m finding the willingness to acknowledge, accept, and let go.