Here’s the simple difference between the normals and me, the alcoholic: normal people drink because it gives them an altered feeling that’s a fun ride to go on every once in a while; like seeing a movie, or bowling. For me, alcohol became a prerequisite for living. I couldn’t function without it.
The most insidious part of this disease for me? The long-held belief that I was being thoughtful to those around me by constantly shutting down and running away.
Step 1: we admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
And I continued to drink long after I knew I was an alcoholic. Long after everyone knew I was an alcoholic. It was an inoperable lump pulsating between my left ear and left eye. It influenced everything I saw, interpreted everything I heard, and uglied everything I said. Tourette’s Syndrome in long form.
What it’s like today: I still find myself walking in the shoes of a crazy person. Every now and again I ache for that familiar pain by my eye. Thanks to this program and the fellowship, I’m finding the willingness to acknowledge, accept, and let go.