I’ve spent the morning trying to figure out my remaining vacation days, plus what can be carried over into 2015, versus what needs to be used yet in the next two weeks.  And since my company can’t provide anyone with an actual number, thanks to an acquisition and a company-wide restructuring, my frustration has tweaked my biggest character defect: fairness.

Step 11: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Oh, sure, my boss’s boss has taken at least four weeks off this summer; each five straight days without contact, and nothing fell apart.  Yet I’ve only been able to take three consecutive days off since I start here in 2011.  So, I guess I’m more valuable to the company than the president.  Well, that’s not true (see: salaries), but being someone always on the lookout for imbalance within the social contract, I’m continually shocked and amazed and disgusted by the selfish behavior of my colleagues, and their willingness to just drop everything and take off for the beach.  I’m the ant and the world’s the grasshopper, and winter’s coming but it’s mild this year, and it looks like the grasshoppers are once again going to get along just find with me being able to say “I told you so.”

And, according to my math, I stand to lose seven days come January 1.  Seven days. According to my math.  But there’s so much to get to before the end of the year, and everything the sales force in requesting is always ASAP; they’ve gotten everything off their plates in time for them to jump ship as well.

Here’s what my brain is chanting: “How come?  Why is it that?  There’s no way I’m losing 7 days! Why didn’t I use some when the weather was nice?  How come I always do this?  Every December it’s the same bullshit.  All of my coworkers are complaining they only have one or no vacation left.  Well, they don’t care as much as me, obviously.”  And on and on.

Now today, before I get all frizzled out, I go for a walk.  I ride the work elevator to the ground floor and pace around the atrium.  I discuss what’s up with my higher power, then sit quietly and breathe.  This too shall pass.  Talk to your boss today.  She’s more than fair.  I’m sure some resolution can be reached, without resorting to hysterics.

Today:  Ask before reacting.

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