Over the weekend, the President of my company sent out a mass e-mail invitation to attend a Monday morning meeting involving an exciting company-wide announcement.

Step 11: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

When the invitation flashed across my phone Sunday afternoon, I pressed the accept button and thought nothing else of it.  Some new Vice President of Something or Other will be introduced today with much fanfare and hyperbole; elevating the person’s expertise to a level far above  the questioning of the rest of us college-educated office workers, justifying his explosive salary and setting the expectation that no matter what asinine suggestions come out of his mouth, it should now and forever be regarded as genius.  Same old, same old.  Luckily, I’m able to let that kind of stuff go today, thanks to the Serenity Prayer.  I don’t have the ability to bring down the giant machinery that is executive networking and the cesspool of mediocrity it protects.  Best not to think about it, and do the next right thing.

And that’s easy to do when something doesn’t directly affect me.  But once at work this morning, I find the entire office abuzz with talk of “the exciting announcement”.  Whereas I had assumed it was just another in a series of back-slapping, hand-clapping gatherings, all my coworkers are speaking of Christmas Bonuses in hushed tones.

Okay. Now I’m interested.  I’m down the road with my imaginary envelope and what’s inside, looking for a private place to open it, and am I happy with the amount or not?  How much does my bonus need to be so that I’m not insulted?  What’s the over/under?  I’m doing all this wondering based on whispers and rumors about a meeting that may or may not have anything to do with bonuses.  It very well could be the introduction of a new hire, or maybe they’re announcing that we’re going to hit our numbers this year, huzzah!

Think of all the emotions I went through over the last thirty minutes, thanks to giving something a second thought.  I’m driving down each alley, judging the outcome, and readying my reaction to it.  No matter what happens at 10:30, I’m covered.  It’s under control.

Mentally prepping all of my reaction possibilities isn’t letting go; it’s tightly gripping onto everything in an attempt to take back my will.

Today: Understand that trying to control everything means that my happiness and serenity becomes dependent on my ability to control everything.  And how’s that working for me?

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