That’s what I’m telling myself this morning. Nothing specific has happened, and I didn’t intentionally or unintentionally do something that requires fixes or apologies. I’m trying to objectively assess exactly when and where my mind is lying to me.
Step 4: made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
It’s my thoughts that are wrong, and the importance I place upon them. Some of my latest false assumptions are receiving the same level of import as my tightest-held beliefs. And my knee-jerk reactions to things usually aren’t in my, or anyone’s, best interest. I’m coming to realize that removing the drink didn’t sober up my thought process, which was more than a little shaky to begin with. I mean, that’s why I’m an alcoholic: it stopped the brain shakes.
It also stopped my rational thought process and my overall personal growth, but that was a trade-off I was willing to make.
My mantra used to be: I’m right, I’m right, I’m right. And since 95% of the things in my life existed solely in my head, it was easy to side with myself. I might outwardly agree with you, just to get you off my back, but inside I’d be congratulating myself on being the bigger man and letting you have your way.
Which, weird as it may seem, was growth. Early on, I would have argued my position until both parties became upset and resorted to name calling. Now I was keeping my opinions to myself, or at least until I was out of earshot. Sure, better than before. But as I’m finding out, not necessarily the finished product. Not responding with defensive anger is a definite plus, but if internally I’m still raging, then not nearly enough work has been done.
Today: This is where the Serenity Prayer comes into play, right? Finally!