After trying everything else, it turns out that doing nothing might be the best solution. I often find myself trying to solve problems of my own making. I’ll fix things that weren’t broken, and destroy things that were already broke.
Step 7: humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
I essentially have two types of problems: problems that I create out of thin air and fixate upon until they become real in my head; and the problems I create based off those irrational thoughts. So yeah, most of my misery comes from within. During my drinking days and continuing on into my sober ones, I’m still getting in my own way, big time. I mix up anger, jealousy, resentment and laziness, and then spend the remainder of my day trying to sort them out and categorize them, for it is only in this manner that I’ll be able to let go properly and move on. And in order to sort and categorized correctly, I must obsess, even though I’m aware that dwelling on something of my own sick creation is the surest way to keep me down and out. I love thinking myself into no-win situations, where the only resolve is for me to take another one on the chin and become a walking, talking dupe. The laughingstock.
Thanks to this program, I’m getting better at pulling back the correct curtains. I’ve spent so much time trying to change other people based on things I made up in my head that it’s become impossible to be happy. That’s on me, and today I should know better. Emphasis on should. Because I still want to hold onto the “truth” as I made it up. Because I’m unsure what’s made up and what’s truth. What am I wrong about and what am I right about, and which ones matter? What can I live without knowing, and what can’t I? I’m so frightened that I’ll drop my baggage too soon, leaving me ripe for betrayal and ridicule.
It’s the lesson I’m finding impossible to adhere to: letting go. I’ve attached numerous sticky notes to this concept, reminding me that letting go comes with opening up, loosening the noose, and above all forgiveness and gratitude. And as long as my letting go comes with conditions, I may as well wait forever for any type of lasting serenity.
And that brings us to the subject of this posting: patience. In 9 out of 10 cases, just utilizing a “wait and see” attitude yields wonderful results, because 8 of the 10 things in life I worry about never happens. I’m no mathematician, but this simple trick lowers my levels by 80%. But only when I work it.
Today: Live in the eighty percent. Accept the twenty as work yet to be done.