My first action step doesn’t involve pen and paper or talking with my sponsor, or anything else beyond me and my higher power.
Step 3: made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
It’s the one step I must do in the morning, first thing, before the bathroom, before the kitchen, before the day. It helps set the tone and agenda for my upcoming interactions. Clear out the cobwebs of insanity that may have accumulated in my brain during the night. Nothing worse than starting the day in a bad mood because you’re arguing with a leftover dream.
But the truth is, I don’t always do it. I want to get a jump on the day; get up and out and on the road before the traffic gets thick. I’ll center myself while driving. I mean, why not? I already shave in the car. There’s nothing wrong with multitasking my sobriety.
Thinking about it, being aware of it, acknowledging that I’m thinking about it, isn’t the same as actually sitting down and turning myself over. Figure out what needs to be let go of in order for me to move forward with my day. And I’m not talking about huge revelations or giant breakthroughs. If I’m jumping up out of bed to race to the car to fly to work, what’s got me all zoomed up? Is there a legitimate reason for my haste, or do I just want to make good time, thereby controlling it?
Nah, it’s none of that. I’m just lazy. And what’s always been my Achilles’ heel, motivation, once again gets pushed to the side for the immediate rush that comes from gripping the wheel with both hands.
Today I know: it’s not my life to control. And that’s a relief.