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The happy miracle of this program is that we will see unbelievable, miraculous changes in our behavior, hearts and minds before we are halfway through. We will be amazed.

But what’s halfway through forever?

Step Three:  made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

Yeah, that’s what I thought the first time I heard the Promises.  It’s been drilled into my head repeatedly that this disease never ends, so how am I to gauge the halfway point?  I mean, if I’m noticing changes that are amazing to me now, does that mean I’m halfway through?  And what’s that worth, knowing that I can never be completely over and done with it?

Turns out that it’s worth everything.  It’s about the wholeness of me and the plasticity of time.  It’s about noticing the moments where blow-ups normally occur, but now don’t.  It’s about my newfound abilities; my favorite being able to stop and reflect in the moment and note that this is what makes life.  I breathe it in and am grateful that I’m present and accountable for this one.  Remember these moments.  Add them to the collection.

It’s also less about measuring myself.  The last thing I need to be doing is comparing sobrieties.  When I get caught up in the measurements of things, the progressions and the perceived lack of growth on any given day, I can feel like I’m back to square one: resentful that the miracles have abandoned me for this moment.  But it’s like everything else in the Bible: whenever I feel lost, it’s because I’m the one who turned away.  And that’s not just from God.  That’s from the fellowship, my friends, and family.  Sometimes I want the miracles to appear according to my timetable, and on my terms.

But that’s simply attempting to take back control, which is an insanity, which is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  Remember how that used to go on forever?

Today: be grateful to know it doesn’t have to.

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