I have no tattoos.  No piercings.  I don’t wear my ball cap at a fifteen degree angle with the price tag still attached and the brand sticker still on the lid.  I don’t believe drawing attention to yourself makes you special.  It’s the lazy man’s way to seem interesting.  Hey, check out my complicated haircut.  And don’t miss out on the topiary trip I created around my mouth hole.

Step 12: having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

These people, these posers, are all causes of resentment for me.  Look at them, I’d think.  I’m better than all of them.  How dare they attempt to individualize themselves with those pointless affectations?  And since I could never participate in whatever the crowd was doing, I needed to twist out my own route to cool individualism.  I chose to run with alcohol and isolation.  I’ll make people love me from afar.  That was the plan.

But after a while, it becomes apparent that nobody was paying attention.  Hence the need for moments of uncivilized behavior.  Time to act:  outbursts of random nonsense while waiting in lines, joining in with anyone who starts singing in public, regardless if I know the song or not.  I mean, seriously, don’t dump your specialness on the rest of us.  And I’m speaking for the rest of us when I say no one cares.  We all need to get over ourselves.

Sometimes it’s great knowing that you’re alone in the world, that nobody cares.  It’s humbling medicine, realizing that people aren’t sitting around waiting for me to show up and start their days.  And if I don’t show up at all, everything still continues on.

Today:  Recognize that there’s no need to draw attention to myself.

One thought on “affect the effect.

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