By nature, I’m an over-doer.  Not an overachiever, mind you, the one word where adding “over” as a descriptor actually makes it better, but an over-doer.  I take a good idea and add frosting and a jet pack.  No wonder I’m always burnt-out and sticky.

Step 7: humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Today’s a great example – we’re heading to a water park for three days and two nights of family fun.  Which for me spells death.  I’m worse than the kid when it comes to exhausting myself into a wrong-headed mood where all my best efforts go past the point of usefulness, and I become angry and trapped.  Finding ways to not enjoy places specifically built for enjoyment is one of my favorite tricks.

I also love to overreact.  Not only to things which come right up and tweak my nose, but all the social contracts that are constantly being broken right in front of me.  Lines are the biggest offender, as no one in this country knows how to properly wait their turn, or even be marginally aware of their surroundings.  Better to keep their heads buried up their own asses than actually look around and determine their place in the pecking order.  When did feigning ignorance become the standard operating procedure for society?

I will over-everything until I’m satisfied that it’s ruined; over and done with.  My alcoholism wants to be alone, leaving me to baby-sit.  There’s no thrill in being the secretive man that’s shrouded in mystery, especially when the mystery is that I have a very common disease.  I mean, pretty pathetic reveal, right?  I’ve always romanticized myself as the misunderstood loner/outsider that spends years in some hovel, whispered about by the locals, the truth of my origins growing more legendary with each passing generation of children.

How’s that for taking pride in self-pity?  I’ve actually imagined a scenario for myself in which destroying my life and all my relationships turns me into something of a folk hero.

For today: scoop with a smaller spoon.  Work on recognizing when I’m getting full emotionally, and do something about it.

Seventh Step Prayer:
My Creator,  I am now willing that You should have all of me,  good and bad.  I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows.  Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding.  Amen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s