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I can tease out my character defects until they’re subsets of subsets, spread out far and wide before me like a topographical map illustrating the mountains and mole hills on the road to sobriety.  When viewed from this self-imposed valley, the hills are definitely alive, but that ain’t music I hear.

Step 6: were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

There’s something quite satisfying about uncovering another layer of craziness, or identifying a reaction that has, now well-worn over time, become knee-jerk in nature. Some can be pretty faith-rattling.  It’s downright scary, catching your brain in a false belief.  What do you mean, Pluto’s not a planet?

And that’s all fine and dandy, knowledge is power and whatnot, but what’s next?  Writing it down in a journal for classification purposes does what, exactly?  Do super-specific shortcomings require super-specific solutions, each one customized and individualized?  And once I’ve got an itemized solution for each problem in my toolbox, I’ll need to start parking the car in the driveway, as my garage will be overrun with useful tools for every conceivable predicament.

And that’s certainly one way to go about doing things. Thankfully, I’ve learned that it doesn’t need to be a one-for-one trade-off when it comes to dealing/coping.  Life and its problems needn’t be unique to the point of being paralyzed.  For the most part, they’re all some variance of a fear I’ve had before, and how’d that one turn out?  Fine enough that I don’t remember specifically, right?  I’ll bet there was no joyous celebration once that problem was solved, either.  But before the solution appeared, I’ll double the bet that there was a pity party of frustration and depression and anger that kept on boogieing until the problem was dealt with and put behind me.

So many equations and if… then scenarios.  Once this happens, then I’ll be this.  When A becomes B, then I’ll become C.  What do all these excuses have in common?  They’re all reliant on someone or something else doing something that’s beyond my control.

Today:  Whatever name I’m giving it today, it all needs to be turned over to the care and will of my God.

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