The rules of my new life only seem to apply when everything else is in order. For some reason, I feel that it is wise for me to abandon my practice until I get all my other stuff under control. I’ll take a moment and center myself once the first three items on my to-do list are checked off.
Step 1: we admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
Making myself too busy for the program is one of the more common cunning, baffling and powerful methods that my alcoholism uses to get me off the beam. When I’m controlling, I’m confusing my head with my heart. I start thinking, then feeling inappropriate emotions based on my wrong-sized thinking. Now all future thoughts are based on bad feelings. Got all that?
When I’m too busy controlling, I’m too busy to live in the moment. I’m either dwelling on past mistakes or prepping my psyche for future blow-ups. Before I’m even aware of my surroundings, I’m up to my neck in it. The funny thing is, everyone else has been aware of my unevenness since the word “go.” The pets know. Maybe a few neighbors are on to me.
When my alcoholism starts getting shuffled to the back of the deck, it’s time to double-down. That said, Today: Get out of my comfort zone. Remember the importance of that feeling of new, and that sense of drowning. Time to reach out; from the shore or from the water, doesn’t matter.