Dumping out all my wrongs, deflating my ego, and reading off my list to my sponsor. These things are done in the light of day, outside a coffeehouse, nestled in the general bustle of an unfazed public. To everyone passing by, it was two guys drinking coffee and talking. I’m sure that’s how it appeared. Internally however, my brain was reenacting Munch’s The Scream.
Step 5: admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
I’m in the Principal’s office. I’ve been pulled over. I’m in sick bay. I’m waiting for my allowance back into the flow of the everyday. As I sit and wait, I stare back at the rubberneckers and long to be among them, cruising coolly by, thinking, “poor bastard”, and then going about my day. But today I have papers to present; announcements and admissions to make.
Then I’m told that my bads aren’t that bad, and that’s good. We all get stuck on certain things that eat away at our serenity and sobriety. The program’s teaching me to be on the lookout for my specifics.
That’s the miracle of this program: I needed to be plucked out of the mainstream every once in a while, just to be reminded that I’m special and not special all at the same time.
12 the hard way 