ergo ego.

Hyperactivity and laziness can coexist.  I’m living proof.  I burn tons of energy.  Sometimes extremely focused energy. But focusing that laser on worthwhile projects, as well as my sobriety, sometimes takes a bit of doing.

It’s not that I try to keep busy to avoid drinking; I keep busy to avoid working the program. Who has time to meditate? Or pray? There are several options that I actively choose to ignore. Why not go for a jog? Make a phone call? Hit a meeting? The hours that could be saved by immediately taking action against self-pity, depression and hopelessness would be almost immeasurable. I mean, I find myself clinging to old ideas while I’m sleeping.

Step 2: came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This step never rings truer than when I’ve got my head up my ass. My greatest fear is that I’ll be the last one to realize that everything’s over, and that it’s just me up there, going through the motions. The sad, pathetic motions.  Apparently, I’m extremely concerned that I’ll be the only one left standing; alone with everyone watching. That’s both metaphorically and literally.

And these worries and concerns only exist when I think I’m in control, or feel the need to control those people, places and things around me.  And when I find that I can’t control them, it’s my ego that feels it.  It has yet to understand that there is no need for me to try to mold everything in my image.  That’s already been done, in one fashion or another.