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Acclamation is key. For someone who desperately wants to stand out and be special, yet not to be looked at or talked to, this can be something of a sticky wicket. Sitting out among the co-workers in my cube, I realize that laughingly referring to them as ‘gen pop’ puts my mind in a not-so-funny place: jail.

I’m starting to think maybe I need to shank someone.

Step 4: made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

First off, it’s not a demotion. My company moved buildings. Shrank, if you like. That’s half the people and two-thirds the individual offices. Of course I’m grateful to still have a job; hell, I even got a raise in the process.

So now, I guess I’ll just bitch about loss of aesthetics, privacy and coolness.  I refuse to decorate my space; so I again go opposite – minimalist extremis. Even my lack of decor says, “go screw.” I’m giving them nothing to look at; nothing to latch onto and formulate probing questions from. There – right there – “probing questions” – like Phyllis in Project Management is a C.I.A. operative, and if I put up a piece of my daughter’s art on my 4-foot wall, well, that’s all a highly trained agent needs, right? I’ve seen movies like this before – in my head.

It’s really about loss of control, loss of solitude, loss of isolation.  And acting as if I’m still behind full-sized walls requires a level of mime I’m just not up for.

Today: I need to do what’s uncomfortable. I need to go out among the people. That doesn’t mean walking up and down the aisles pressing the flesh, but it can’t remain head-down-to-the-breakroom-and-back, either.

Simple thing: Smile, for Christ’s sake. Literally.

One thought on “shrinking box.

  1. I once heard a guy in a meeting say that his therapist would say to him after every session “Have an uncomfortable day!”

    I’ve always loved this so much because whats usually uncomfortable for me, is exactly what I need to do.

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