Whenever I feel confined, or restricted, I get really boundary-pushy. Exactly how far can I take something? Not as far as I want? Well, then, I’ll simply constrict into myself and ask for nothing. I’m fine, thanks. No, I don’t need assistance. Even if it take me hours to figure out how to get the new corporate headset working, so be it.
Step 4: made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
It’s the role of the passive patsy; the put-upon loser. I love playing that part, because eventually I get to explode, puking up all my insane hatreds and misconceptions onto a kind-of unsuspecting public. I say “kind-of”, because I believe they are all sort of aware of their responsibility for my behavior. They know they caused it.
That’s the undersized me: defeated, head down. Quiet, quiet, quiet. I try to play it off as low-key, but it’s a slippery slope down on this end. Pretending to be miserable will actually make you miserable. I mean, it is work, after all. Who says you are supposed to enjoy it? And even though I think something like happiness will never again exist in my office, it’s not nearly as horrible as I’m making it out to be. I’m still off by myself, far from a main aisle. No one can look over my shoulder or sneak up on me. Plus, I’m listening to headphones, so it’s my own little world. It’s enough to get through, and it’s much better than the answer I’d been turning to in the past.
So, for today: I recognize that I’ve been in a bad mood for a few days now. Also recognize that it’s all work-related, and then let go. Nobody else here seems to be sweating it. Take solace in that.