Today I’m having a difficult time putting a blog together, because all of my thoughts are disjointed and angry.
See, last Friday I took a day off work and spent it with my daughter in Madison. We had a nice time, thank you very much. Last Thursday, before I left the office for the day, I was made aware that a rather large presentation needed to be put together by Monday morning. My boss was upset that I was taking off Friday.
However, the files that were to be provided to me to start working on were not given to me until Sunday morning. Today. I have worked nonstop from 11 to now. And I’m still not done. After my boss reviews my work, and so does three other executives, there will undoubtably be many more changes.
So, I’m pissed that I took a day off on Friday just to work all day Sunday. I’m pissed that my boss and the executives can’t get anything together until it’s the absolute last-minute for them. Thankfully, I didn’t expect them to rush their work in order to give me more time; executives don’t give two shits about anybody other than other executives.
All my emotions are right on the edge; I can reach out and touch them. In my drinking times, there would have been much yelling and throwing. Today, I struggle with maintaining right-sized behavior, even though my brain is on fire.
In the past, I could never see beyond what was directly in front of me. So everything was always an inconvenience. Hence, the maintenance drinking.
Tomorrow, I will go into work and remove the PTO I took for Friday from the records, and no one will think twice or even question it. So why am I still justifying these proposed actions out loud to no one? In my basement, I’m talking out loud. Walking the dog, I’m talking out loud. Driving in my car to the grocery store to get milk, I’m talking out loud. I’m making angry declarations of what’s allowed and not allowed in the world of me.
Today: Is almost over, and I’m still working. But I’ve come to understand that some days don’t quit; they keep hammering away at you until bedtime. The best thing I can do is ride it out until bedtime, and in the morning realize what a difference a day makes.