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Not sure which is worse: a highly structured day where I’m running from responsibility to responsibility, or a day that’s wide open with no plans and no direction. Without specific duties to be accomplished, what’s my point? Do I deserve days where nothing is expected of me, and I can’t simply relax and enjoy? Am I allowed?

Step 7: humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

One of my biggest shortcomings is that I don’t cut myself any slack. Which sounds like a backwards brag – it’s like telling a potential employer that my biggest weakness is that I work too hard. But it’s true, and it’s something I don’t normally discuss – beating myself up over things most people wouldn’t think twice about. However, and here’s the kicker, I gave myself tons of breaks when I was drinking. There was always an excuse to be found for a quick escape from the everyday. No rationalization was too big, no justification too small.

Now, whenever I ease off the gas and give myself some breathing room, the open-endedness of my day can lead to stress and derailment. I must fill it with something – something different from before.

Today: I’ve got a day before me that’s cleared of all appointments. My entire plan? Enjoy the day with my daughter. That’s the only thing I need to check off my list for today. Which is more than enough.

One thought on “rudderless.

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