If I’m upset or irritated, it’s because I’ve found something in my life unacceptable. And I can always find something unacceptable. In fact, there are times when I feel upset and irritable specifically because I can’t find anything that’s unacceptable. I mean hey, it’s what I know.
Step 11: sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
So, instead of thanking my Lord for the lessening of my self-imposed burdens, I immediately start making up things that will create unsettled misery. That’s me trying to take everything back: me wanting everyone to act the way I want them to act. There is no acceptance; only secret demands no one’s living up to.
I pray to get out of my own way. I pray to understand that something new or different isn’t inherently an obstacle to be overcome. I pray it’s possible to acknowledge without judgement: there needn’t be an instant verdict on everything placed in front of me.
Understand that the great leveler is gratitude. Quite often my imaginary complaints pick at what I’m also the most grateful for. How’s that for creating a no-win scenario?
Today: Accept that I don’t know better than God. This program is about lessening my burden, not building it up.
Oh, and BTW, 449 is also the sum of five consecutive prime numbers: 449 = 79 + 83 + 89 + 97 + 101. Trip on that.