My days are super busy. I’ve got a lot to do, and people depend on me to get things down. There are places I need to be at certain times, work that must be completed, lists that must be created and then systematically checked off.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Most days are organized chaos, and it’s hard to find the time. Anyway, I can’t meditate – it doesn’t work for me. My brain has too much going on to just relax and breathe. I’m an important person who doesn’t have time to close my eyes and think about trees and streams. Maybe the simpler, less busy alcoholics have time to sit and inhale and exhale, but for those of us in the real world, meditation’s a luxury; one I’m not sure works anyway.

Here’s what I’m really saying: I don’t have time to not think like a drunk. And, bonus, I get to brag to my fellow alcoholics about how frantically busy my life is, because every American knows that hectic equals successful. My obligations make me valuable, you understand.

All I know is this: Somehow, I always managed to find time for alcohol. No matter the volume of tasks that needed to get done or what demands were being made of me, I was always able to eke out twenty minutes of isolated drinking.

And now that I’m in the program, I’m going to grandstand/complain about my inability to quiet my crazy mind and reset my thoughts because I’ve got too much going on? What arrogance!

The real reason? Meditation is hard. Very hard. Sometimes, three minutes in, my entire body wants to set itself on fire and run down the street. Sometimes, it doesn’t help at all. But on the days it does, seven minutes of guided meditation feels like I just awoke from a thirty-minute nap. Nothing else in my toolbox comes close to physically cooling my blood and balancing the chemistry in my brain. It’s my do-over switch.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s