The poison I shouldn’t have sprayed on the vegetable garden but did, though a record-breaking season of snow and cold did its damnedest, still bears the fruit of my folly this Spring. Dead, rotted stems and decaying skins litter the wooden rectangle. And if the vegetable garden debacle has taught me anything, it’s this: I need to stop comparing myself to the ideals of others.
Step 3: made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
It can make for a long day, knowing you’re nobody’s favorite, and that you’re falling short on a daily basis, stacked against the awesomeness of everyone else. The worst part is, I start comparing myself through the eyes of those who have already seen my show and have long since turned the channel. All of these things push this alcoholic’s brain into a corner of self-prescribed misery. I’m letting what I’m guessing others think of me affect my mood, my day, my serenity, and ultimately, my sobriety.
What needs to happen, and the point of operation: self-worth, is this: Stop wondering, worrying or caring what anyone else thinks about me. Concentrate on my actions, and doing the next right thing. Quit looking for signs of approval or groveling for words of encouragement. It’s like the old saying: you can’t teach an old dog trigonometry. Or this little chestnut: a watched pot never boils. Which is a lie – it does boil; I just never notice.
Today: Remember, I’m an alcoholic, and my brain isn’t always the most reliable source. Turn over the determined will of a crazy person, and put it all into the care of my higher power. Step 3 is the step I need to do every morning, right after Step 1.
Accept and be grateful: Who’s left standing next to me in the end isn’t up to me. It’s up to them.