I love the familiar, even as it slowly carves up my insides. What would I do if the feelings were new? Different? Unexpected?

Today and for the rest of this month, I’m going to learn to like myself, or die trying. I’m going to concentrate on the positive things – not in my life, but in me. I need to learn, accept and know that me, alone, is enough.

Well, actually, it’s no big mystery what I’d do if confronted with a new feeling. I’d work it into my ongoing card game of emotional war. Bigger emotion moves on. And this new feeling might survive one or two shuffles, but eventually it’s going to face my trump card: hopelessness. And then it’s all over but the moping.

It’s the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, only backwards: what if I’m doing the thing different, but the results are the same?

Well, first off, who’s in charge of over and over? Am I the one determining how long long enough is? I know, it’s a never-ending process, but where’s that leave us with the “joyous and free” part, is all I’m saying? Or is it all just completely…

Idea: Back to the deck of emotional cards analogy. What if I flipped their values? I mean, really, hopelessness? That’s my biggest negative emotion? That piece-of-shit feeling only exists when I’m not living a day at a time.

Today: Stop extrapolating. Live in my own skin for this day only, and try to do the next right thing, you loving and caring individual, you.

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