Okay, here’s the situation: my wife and child are going away on a two-day vacation. This weekend. Which means two things to this alcoholic. Par. Tay.
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Woke up in a good mood this morning. Scratch that: I woke up in a great mood this morning. I just fell into twenty-four hours of isolation without causing it. There’s no remorse with this isolation: no guilt I need to slather myself in before embarking on an unsupervised weekend of… alone time.
That’s right – alone time. I’m not planning a party or a blow-out trip to the city. Even in the old days, I never looked to others to share in my addictions; they were my special, secret rewards for living with a messed-up head in a messed-up world. Me, locked away, with no chance of interruption, and it’s not self-imposed? Heaven. Throw in an overnight and I’m tripping nirvana.
What’s miraculous about the program is this: a couple of years back, my disease used these pockets of time to “do it up right”. Unapologetic, free and easy, stumbling, slurring, vomiting, stinking weekend fun. It was called fun, because “drinking to forget myself” didn’t have the same ring to it. Today, I barely recognize that person. I know who he is; the face looks familiar. But the behavior I’m watching doesn’t make sense anymore. Never thought I’d be able to say that.
And BTW, I’ll hit a couple of meetings during this time frame, just to be on the safe side.