Anger’s an emotion that really gets me going. I’m never more alive than when I’m righteously angry. It’s like a free pass to Justified Land: I get to spend all day ingesting bad thoughts and poor attitudes until I finally vomit up unspecified hate all over the Tilt-A-Whirl.

I’m so concerned that others are doing it right. Driving, shopping, waiting in line, doesn’t matter: when I’m on the lookout for all the unfairness in the world, I’m ready to hit DEFCON 1 over someone dallying at an ATM.

Step 6: were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Yeah, I’m not entirely ready. There are days, sure, even weeks when I feel like I’ve turned it over. Until I’m in some kind of self-imposed hurry. Then the heart rate gets going, the brow furrows, and everything tightens up like a bear trap. Unless I act, it’s only a matter of time.

So when I get behind schedule and start rushing, I need to remind myself that I’m only in a hurry because I choose to be. How many times have I rushed somewhere only to wait for an absurd amount of time? Now I’ve got anger on top of anger on top of anger. There’s the traffic anger, the waiting anger, and the self-anger at being angry.

Which puts me in dangerous territory. See, I felt like I turned it over. Past tense. I thought this anger thing was already dealt with. Until it rears up on its hindquarters and batters me about the head and neck region with its heavy hooves. Then the shame and embarrassment that follows is the most painful, because anger’s the most powerful.

For today: recognize when I’m unsettled, which is easy. Identifying the root cause is much more of a challenge, but until it’s called out, I can’t let it go. And walking around in a fog of annoyance and paranoia isn’t any way to go through life. When I cut myself a break and understand that I’m not that important, I can start taking myself less seriously, and start ignoring others’ actions. No more trigger-hunting. It might not make me happy, but I can at least stop making myself and those around me miserable.

That’s something.

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