Here’s what God’s will is for me: Don’t do anything. Stop being mean. Stop jumping to conclusions. Stop expecting the worst.
Basically, I need to stop being me.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
I understand that His will for me is to be the best version of me that I can be. And trust me, I want that, too. It’s just that I tend to be lazy and selfish. Changing for the better means changing for the benefit of others, and I just don’t see that helping my myopic wants and desires in the least.
But isn’t that how the whole program works? The miracles begin occurring before I even realize it, correct? My interactions have become much less hostile. I spend much less time concerned with how things will affect me, as opposed to how things with affect everyone.
Today: Quit worrying about whether or not it’s working. It may not be measurable through wonderfully happy events. Most likely, it’s the alleviation of social anxiety and the lessening of conflicts brought about by my wrong size that happens first, but often goes unnoticed. My brain and my alcoholism don’t like to think about the bad times that have miraculously disappeared. It immediately overlooks the absence of my self-imposed troubles and begins concentrating on the good stuff that still hasn’t come to fruition. Whatever it takes to keep me off-balance, right?
Cunning, baffling and powerful to say the least. It’s that knowledge that can keep me steady and honest. It’s not my brain. It’s the disease in my brain.