There’s only one step that needs to be completed at a 100% efficiency, or so I’ve been told. No further steps, no chance at sanity, no peace could be achieved until I locked down Step One.

Step One: we admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Here’s the tricky-fun part about Step One: it’s taken for granted. It’s totally a given. There isn’t one word that I don’t concur with absolutely. But where does that really get me? When has having perfect knowledge in my head actually benefitted my situation? I was aware the alcohol I was pouring down my throat wasn’t healthy and couldn’t be stopped.  My brain would acknowledge my powerlessness while I literally tilted my head back. There was a significant chasm between my thoughts and my actions.

So, what’s different now? I don’t think I’ve reached the “recoil as if  from a hot flame” stage quite yet, but I am actively avoiding the interiors of gas stations and convenience stores. The pull is gone, and that alone is cause for rejoicing.

What I’ve learned about these steps: they’re not one-time deals. In order to maintain that 100% efficiency required for Step One, I’ve got to do it daily. It’s an admittance before my feet hit the floor every morning that I’m powerless over alcohol. It’s a reminder, a humbler, and an attitude adjuster. Not in a way that brings me down or builds me up, but one that hopefully centers me.

2 thoughts on “thinking and doing.

    • Thanks for the kind words and hang in there – it gets so much better! Then it gets worse, then better, then it’s just about learning to live a regular life without the other stuff. Take care!

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