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I’m told that these promises materialize if I work for them. But it’s my belief that I need to let everything go for the promises to appear, including the working part.

A Month of Promises (pages 83-84), coda: Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Early on, I felt a little gypped by the program. See, the only way I can judge success in this venture is if I no longer have to do it. Like stretches for back pain. I’d feel failure whenever I was forced out of my everyday existence to deal with something that was upsetting or threatening my serenity and sobriety. My NEW everyday existence was disturbed, mind you; the one without the maintenance drinking. For some reason, I didn’t think I’d need to work sobriety. I figured it’d just happen.

So I was caught in the mental loop-the-loop. I was spending far too much time equating my thoughts with my feelings. It never occurred to me that my feelings completely controlled whatever I thought about, and how I thought about it. And when you’re mired in alcoholic misery, guess how well that went?

What it’s supposed to be like now. It seems so counter-intuitive, working at something to the point where you don’t need to think about it. Because in order to work on it, you need to think about it. I think maybe my goals are askew on this.

It’s not in the feelings, nor in the thoughts. It’s in my reactions.

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