Am I becoming the person I want to be? This isn’t an abstract anymore. The second to second, minute to minute hurting and the stopping of the hurting no longer stand at the constant forefront, thank God.

A Month of Promises (pages 83-84), sentence 4: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. 

I think we’ve known each other long enough where I can get into some of the higher aspects and aspirations of living. Seems a little grandiose, putting aside the number one goal which is not to drink. Who do I think I am, wanting to better himself? Be grateful and shut-up.

This, I know, totally slides by serenity into a depression snowbank. I’m equating sobriety with robotically being Mad, Sad, Glad, or Scared, downplay the Glad. Self-punishment isn’t in the program, or the fellowship, or the readings, or the prayers and meditations. It’s in the alcoholism, and welcome to it.

Worry about feeling too good when it actually happens.

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