Keeping with the spirit of a fresh start based on an arbitrary number change, this year is going to begin with a Month of Promises. From the Ninth Step. Pages 83-84 for those of you playing at home. I won’t reprint the whole thing here; however, I will be honing in on, and working through, each sentence. So here goes.
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
I know I was. Amazed, that is. I’m not even sure how painstaking I was being, but the mere fact that my car seemed to no longer be on liquor store autopilot was enough to keep me going. It wasn’t self-will, because that flat-out never worked. It was the combination of the words in the book, the working of the steps, the letting go of my control, and the all-important fellowship that gave me something that had been missing in my life for so long I’d forgotten it existed: hope.
There was very little understanding in the beginning. There’s more now, and I’m a little fearful that with understanding comes the want to control. The “I got this” attitude that kept me arrogantly isolated for years worked great until it didn’t. Sometimes I’d be able to successfully manage my constant drinking for months without anyone noticing, if you can consider that a success.
What’s amazing is something’s happening that I couldn’t stop for twenty years. In this case, not knowing the answer’s the answer.