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Squelching the soul-sickness that seems to be omnipresent since the extraction of alcohol is my number-one priority (after sobriety, of course, but for the sake of the narrative, let’s go with it). I need to start shortening the time I spend being an asshole.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

That being said, I’ve created a starter’s checklist of what I think Step 3 In Action means for me:
1. Get a second opinion on any thought that makes me unbalanced. Knee-jerk reactions never work for me.
2. Whenever possible, calmly and rationally discuss what’s going on in my head with the person concerned. Most times, I’m afraid of losing or gaining something, and need reassurance.
3. Pop that balloon of irrational thought as early as possible. The phone works well here, as does closed-eye meditation.
4. Stop looking for hidden agendas. I don’t work for the C.I.A.
5. People are not plotting behind my back. They don’t work for the C.I.A., either. As far as I know.
6. People are not talking behind my back. And when they are, it’s because I’m acting insane, and they are asking other people for advice.

These bullet points present me as a wild animal; but isn’t that what my alcoholic mind is? Aren’t resentments nothing more than a frightened, cornered, sick animal, blindly lashing and spitting and clawing at whatever comes near?

Okay, so here’s some positive points:
7. I’m not responsible for other’s actions.
8. Turning over my will and life includes turning over all the insanity and worry. Isn’t that nice?
9. Roughly 90% of my problems stem from my alcoholic thoughts. I’ve seen the enemy, and it is me. No need to go looking elsewhere.

Draft subject to change without notice. And it should change. That’s growth.

One thought on “draft. what isn’t?

  1. Now THIS is a great post, and exactly what I needed to hear today. As I prepare to move from beyond first 30 days, I can no longer exist with abstinence as my only goal. I must begin to work on the soul-sickness.

    Thank you!

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