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I’ve always avoided taking Step Twelve seriously. It seemed like a step that could only be attempted by a card-carrying member of the program; one with years of wisdom under their belt and countless sponsees. To do Step Twelve was an admission of completion. I’m done with my test, but in no way am I ready to turn it in. I assume they’ll want to see if I showed my work, and I’m not sure I have.

Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Having found myself at Step Twelve, I searched my pockets for my spiritual awakening. Shouldn’t something as obvious as a spiritual awaking just naturally shine out all my holes? I’m not sure I’m going to pass through the approaching body scanner without multiple alarms erupting. Surely everyone will see that I’m still faking it with the intention of making it sometime in the future.

The old craving mind still resists; as I shall always refuse good advice. It’s called spite, and I’ve marinated my heart in it throughout my drinking career. I don’t care that you’re right, and I don’t care if the advice you’re offering is sound, and I don’t care how minor the issue is, or if there even is an issue: I will straight-up refuse free information to the detriment of myself, every time.

That was back in the old days. Now I listen to those who have been there, done that, and have stories to tell of how they handled it. They’re not guides or advisors, until I ask them to be. And again, if I’m asking the right people, concrete guidance and advice won’t always be forthcoming. It might be just a story of something they experienced in a similar situation, and how they handled it. I can take from that what I want.

Remember: That’s all I have to give as well.

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