Of course no one likes doing step 10. That’s because it’s a constant. There’s no break, no end; no list to be written and dealt with, torn up and burnt in a coffee can of spirituality. I don’t get to say I’ve finished step 10.

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

It’s the first maintenance step; the daily cleaning of my mental gutters. Steps one through nine dealt with my alcoholism and my sobriety. Step 10 helps me operate within normal society. This is the step that determines if I’m going to spend the day on a dry drunk or not. Because what’s the point of working this program and all this wonderful sobriety if I’m still going to be an asshole in my everyday life?

Step 10 doesn’t work for me when I’m being hypercritical of myself. That’s when Step 10 slathers me up with shame and hatred. I become wrong-sized in the self-pitying extreme. The overwhelming feeling that I need to apologize just for being in everyone’s way. The continuous exhalation of despair. The seemingly self-evident truth that I can’t do anything right; which means I need to promptly admit my wrongs almost non-stop. Because there’s nothing this alcoholic loves more than filling up any situation with angst and angry awkwardness.

But if I properly apply the 10th step, I can see that I’m not constantly doing things wrong: I’m constantly THINKING that I’m constantly doing things wrong.

Remember: Big difference.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s