Acknowledging my drinking was out of control to others. Something they already knew, or feared. And isn’t that what I’d been shooting for my entire adult life?
Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
The out of control bad boy: he doesn’t care about nuthin’, man. Isolated drinking fed rumors of a much cooler life; one that kept me from accepting invitations to mundane things such as after work get-togethers.
So, now with sobriety, how long can I attempt to maintain the rep? Isolation doesn’t make sense now. The second I put on my ‘too cool for school’ jacket (pick your own fabric), I’m cooked. My alcoholism loves turning my shortcomings into badges of honor. I’m a decorated veteran in the war I made.
For step eight, it’s essential that I strip myself of any and all rank. Humble myself back to what I was shooting for my entire child life: happiness.
My willingness to do make amends is: When the door swings open, any fear detected means I’m still clinging to ego. Tension comes from being outcome-driven. Peace is knowing that whatever happens, I’m already alright with it.