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The willingness to make the amends is when the sliver gets pulled out. Then comes Step 9.

Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

The trick is, in order to be willing to make the amends, I first have to let go of my resentments. The good news is, there is some overlap from steps four and five, so some of the homework’s already started.

Here’s yet another step that seems to be about everyone else, but in the end is completely focused on me. Accepting my part in the apology makes them easier to give, and hopefully easier to accept. Because if the only reason I am giving an amends is to check some imaginary box, then I shouldn’t bother, as I am insult seeing the person who I am apologizing to, and I’m just paying lip service to the program. Nobody who honestly deserves an apology from me wants to hear me start a sentence with, “My sponsor told me I need to apologize, so… yeah, okay?”

How do I know I’m accepting and willing? When the circumstances stop extenuating.

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